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In Memory Of Tendai Gamure

Agness  Gamure is a mother of two children. Vimbainashe is 12 years and Simbarashe is 10 years old. She is a widow of Tendai Gamure Munengami who was born on 10/8/68 to 31/07/06. They were married for nearly 10 years. She is an active member of Triumphant Church International  in London.

Agness is very loving,  caring, patient, tolerant and gentle. She is also very polite , kind, honest, trustworthy and considerate. Those who know her say she is approachable, welcoming and  always loves unconditionally and passionate about helping others..

Agness believes that you need to respect others so that you can also earn their respect. Her two children give her the reason to wake up everyday. She is full of enthusiasm and always hope for the best.

She has a joint degree, BA Honours in Health Promotion and Health Services Management and she studied at University of East London. She is also a Registered Nurse and has worked for the NHS TRUST in different London Hospitals including Community Nursing. She also has a Diploma in Public Relations, Marketing,  Selling and Sales Management. She  has done  beauty therapy eg. manicure and pedicure, facial treatment , Swedish body and Indian head massage and make up.

Due to the loss of her  husband, best friend, carer and  father of her children  imagine how devastated she was. To make it worse she was seriously ill and going through treatments and not fit to look after her  children or herself. The whole experience was over whelming to her and the kids,  family and friends.

As you can imagine through all the grief,  eg. Anger , self blame sadness, why?, confusion, worry, guilt. There were times of isolation and loneliness even though she had to move in with her sister and brother in-law. She cried  a lot and most of the time she had to hide because she didn’t want to upset her kids and those around her. It was a very difficult time and she had to answer all sorts of questions from her kids. Her  daughter who was 7 years at the time became the back bone of the family,she also hid her emotions and told her  she didn’t want to upset her and her brother who was  5 years old.

However from that point, Agness  made a conscious decision to express how she felt and for them to see that mummy also missed daddy. Breaking this barrier wasn’t easy but communication have been an important part of our healing process. It is also beneficial  to express your feelings to those you trust eg your pastors, counsellors, parents, friends, siblings, teachers, support workers etc .

We have been through tough times and sometimes I feel sorry for my children because they did not only have to grieve for their dad but for my cousin Tina who was 21 years old. She had diabetes and died(2007) unexpectedly on her own. She was very close to me and my kids and she was among those few people  who spent a lot of time with us after the loss of my husband . She was loving, caring and so sweet, as young as she was she gave me words of wisdom. It was another big blow especially to my kids who loved and trusted her so much.

You would think that was enough, how much can my children take of grief. I am the oldest of seven , on 18/12/09 I had to see my consultant for check up, I got home around 6pm and my young brother called I got suspicious from how he was talking and asking what I was doing, he broke the news that my brother Leonard(33 years) died early hours of the morning in his sleep. I had spoken to him over a week and he spoke to my sister (his twin) and other people the previous night. I had asked everyone to come to my  house for Christmas and he was looking forward to it as usual because they were born on Christmas day.

I was alone with my kids and we were just screaming our heads off. Here comes the question again why? why? why? why? only God knows, I felt helpless, guilt and all those emotions again as an older sister I wish if I could do something, he is survived by my beautiful niece Lennisha Mushambi who is 7` years old and doesn’t really understand because daddy had promised to visit the following day. He was a brilliant father, loved everyone unconditionally, he was such fun, I miss him and my kids miss their uncle loads.

One day it came in mind “why am I still standing when you hear of people having depression,commiting suicide or turning to drugs and alcohol because they can’t cope?” Agness realised that having faith in God gives her strength to carry on and her children need her and she have to be strong. She also have  amazing parents, siblings, pastors, friends and family who are very loving and supportive.

Agness believes eternity is not here on earth, we can’t live forever and we can’t  prepare for death neither can we runaway from it but all I know is our turn will come and we will all die in different ways. As much as it hurts if her time comes I she would love for those close to her to carry on enjoying life not to be sad all the time and she knows that her husband would have loved her and the kids to enjoy life so they try to do that and remember the good times they had.

Having said that above all it is because she regained HOPE and had the will to live and carry on without her husband, brother and cousin. Even thou it still hurts like yesterday she had to do something and that’s how

Hope4Change started because without hope there is no reason to carry on so please hope4change no matter what you are going through,hope for a better tomorrow.  Please feel free to contact us at Hope4Change so that you can share your grief with us, we will not judge you and your information is confidential. . Just to remind you that we support families who are going through bereavement of any kind eg death, divorce, separation. We are here for you 24/7.

Agness Gamure